The past
by nathanfangirl
Summary: Amanda's time in foster care is explored. Follow up to "this is nice".
1. prologue

**_I don't own anything._**

 ** _Thanks to Ritachris01 for the idea of Amanda telling Steve about her past in foster care :)_**

 ** _I had an original story, about a detective called Amber, who found out that the victim in her murder case she was investigating was her biogical father. I changed a few things, and that story is now this story._**

 ** _PROLOGUE_**

Cece wasn't like the other girls in the group home.

For a start, Cece was only three years old, and the youngest child there.

She was also wearing dirty clothes and carrying a ragdoll.

Her only possessions.

She was crying because she was scared, and the other girls knew that crying was seen as a sign of weakness.

And the way of survival was never showing any weakness. If you did, then it was used against you.

Cece didn't know that yet.

She would soon learn that her foster sister's would think her crying was attention seeking.

They didn't like when people did that. It was every person for themselves, and nobody liked it when someone was favoured more than them.

Being here was a game. The winner would get a brand new, wonderful life.

The loser's would fall through the crack's and be in "the system" for years. And then, if they were lucky, jail.

Nobody knew on Cece's first day what her fate would be.

Winner or loser.


	2. chapter one

**_Chapter one_**

"I have the entire weekend free, for once", A happy Alex told Jesse and Amanda as the pair sat at a table in the doctor's lounge.

Jesse looked at his friend. "Hey, we should go and see 'Doctor Danger:The movie' then".

Alex looked at him, "You've seen it five times".

"I was the medical consultant on the movie", Jesse reminded him, proudly. "It's not every day that you see your name in movie credits",

"It is for you ", Alex quipped.

He then looked at Amanda, who was sitting quietly. " What do you think? Should I go and see Jess' stupid movie? "

" Its not stupid", Jesse replied.

There was no reply from Amanda.

"Earth calling Amanda", Jesse said, as he waved an arm in front of her face.

Amanda pushed his arm away. "I haven't got time for your childish antic's", she snapped.

Jesse looked hurt. "Oh, I'm sorry that Alex and I wanted to include our friend in our discussion", he said, in a fake sulk. "I forget that you are a busy woman".

Amanda knew that he was joking, but she still felt guilty for snapping at him.

"I'm sorry, Jess", she said, quietly.

"Are you okay? ", Alex asked, concerned.

Amanda shook her head." Someone I knew died in the E. R this afternoon".

"I'm sorry", Alex said.

Jesse frowned. "I'm sorry, too. If I knew then I wouldn't have annoyed you".

Amanda smiled, sadly, at the two men.

"Iris Browning was the reason that I became a doctor", she revealed.

Alex smiled, "Was she the woman who made you realize that you wanted to be a doctor?"

"No", Amanda replied. "She was my social worker who arranged for my parents to adopt me".


	3. chapter two

**Chapter 2**

Steve Sloan wondered what he was doing here ; wandering around a not - long-deceased lady's one-storey bungalow.

And then he remembered : his father.

Mark had called Steve and asked him to go to the house of a woman called Iris Browning.

She had died of complication's due to pneumonia that afternoon.

Steve wanted to know why his father had an interest in the woman, and Mark replied that Iris had seen Amanda, and handed him a letter to give to her.

A letter addressed to Cece.

Mark had assumed that Iris was confused, and wanted Steve to go to Iris' house and find Cece's address.

Steve came across a shoe box on the coffee table and he looked through the shoe box. Inside, there was a pile of letter's, addressed to Iris, and a photograph of a woman, who Steve guessed was a younger Iris, a man, slightly older than Iris, and a little girl.

Steve guessed it was Cece.

Was the man Cece's father?

Steve had asked about Iris, and discovered that she was a social worker, who never married.

And, Steve couldn't find out any information if Iris had any children.

Steve then wondered if Iris Could have had a child and maybe give her to relatives.

Steve knew that scenario had happened, and was more common than one would imagine (according to his father anyway).

Steve put the photograph back in the shoe box and picked up a pale blue envelope, which was addressed to Iris.

Steve turned over the envelope and saw the sender had written their name and address on the envelope.

And he got a shock.


	4. chapter 3

**I don't know for sure how old Amanda is in the show, so I am working on the assumption that she is 35 years old during season 8.**

 **Chapter 3**

That night, Steve was cooking dinner for Amanda at the beach house.

Mark was at Amanda's apartment looking after C. J and Dion, giving his son and Amanda time alone together.

And Steve needed to talk to Amanda. After visiting Iris Browning's house, he had made a few discoveries about the retired social worker.

Amanda was quiet when she was in the kitchen, helping Steve.

"You're quiet, honey", he noted. "You upset about Iris Browning dying? .

Amanda had told him about her connection to Iris, but Steve hadn't told her about his news yet.

She nodded, " I have her to thank for saving me from a life of torment". She smiled, "and my parents, of course".

Steve sighed. He knew that Amanda didn't like talking about her past, but he needed her to.

He needed to know if he could tell her the truth.

"I can't even to begin to imagine what you went through in your childhood", he walked to her, and put his arm's around her waist.

She ran her hands down Steve's strong arm's, feeling safe.

She needed to feel safe if she was going to tell him about her past.

"It wasn't the best time in my life", she replied. "I even remember that I created a persona through it all; pretending that it was happening to her rather than myself".

"That must have been tough", Steve said.

"In the really bad times, I told myself that it wasn't my life", Amanda told Steve, her voice breaking with emotion. "I told myself that it was happening to Cece".


	5. chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Steve had taken Amanda into the living room, and sat her down on the sofa.

Amanda was crying. She had opened up to him about life in foster care.

"I hated my first group home", she sobbed. "It was an all girl's home and they hated me. They used to call me names and push me around. I was only three".

Steve felt his heart breaking for the woman that he loved.

Sometimes he forgot just what she had been through.

" Of course, they would take you to foster families for a while, but I would always get sent back to the home" Amanda continued.

Steve nodded. What could he say? And he didn't want to interupt her.

"I was too needy, too young, too spoilt ", Amanda said, quietly." Soon you work out that they use your every flaw against you. As an excuse not to want you".

"I'm sorry", was all that Steve could say.

"When I was seven, I went to a new group home, and that was when I met Iris", Amanda continued. "She got me into foster families homes. Of course, nothing lasted, but she knew my adoptive parents, and she talked them into meeting me".

Steve smiled, "A happy ending".

"I was beaten up, Steve, multiple times in the foster families homes, just like Dion".

steve sighed, "that's why you wanted to help him", he realized.

Amanda nodded. "In foster care, you learn that your life is in other people's hand's", she said, sadly. "I had nobody. No family. No friend's. I was scared all of the time".

Steve looked at her, "Who was Cece?"

"My ragdoll", Amanda replied. "It was the only thing that I had from my father"

Steve didn't want to ask her this question, but he had no option.

"Do you know anything about your real parents? ".

" My father. My real father. He was involved with some bad people", Amanda replied. "The adoption agency told me his name, and I found out that he was a gaming addict. He owed money to some bad people, who made him deal in drug's and he was stabbed to death in a drug deal gone wrong".

Steve knew that. He didn't tell Amanda that.

"I lived with him until I was three years old, but I don't remember anything about him", Amanda revealed.

Steve asked, "And your mother?"

"She abandoned me when I was a few months old".

This was the moment of truth.

"You know your father's name? "

Amanda nodded, again." William Ashbrook".

"And your mother? "

I never knew that", Amanda said.

Steve looked at the woman he loved. He was about to change her world forever.

"I know your mother's name", he told her, quietly. "Your mother was Iris Browning".


	6. thirty six years ago

**Thirty six year's earlier**

 _Iris Browning was told that she was a do-gooder and she wouldn't deny it._

 _In fact, she was proud of it._ _She was a social worker, a job that she loved, and in her spare time, she volunteered in soup kitchen's and at drug rehabilition_ places.

That's _where she met him. The man that changed her life._

 _William 'Billy' Ashbrook._

 _She knew that she shouldn't have got involved with a client, if anyone had found out then she would have lost her job._

 _But she loved Billy, and he loved_ her.

And _they managed to keep their relationship secret until the day Iris found out she was pregnant._

 _That day changed everything._ _Iris loved Billy, but she loved her job more._

 _It was her vocation that she was a social worker. Also, she was only thirty years old, and she didn't want to give up work to look after a child._

 _But she couldn't terminate the pregnancy, so her and Billy came up with a_ plan.

Iris _left work to 'look after an elderly relative' so that she could hide her pregnancy._

 _She and Billy went to Vegas, where his grandfather lived._ _Iris gave birth to a little girl, called Amanda (named after Iris' mother who had died when she was a teenager) who Billy nicknamed 'Cece' after his grandmother._

 _Amanda lived with Billy and Iris would come and go in their lives, but Billy was murdered when Amanda was three, and Iris panicked that her secret life would be revealed, and she passed her own daughter off as an orphan to put her in a group_ _home_ , _knowing that she would be looked after there._

 _Iris had no more contact with her daughter until Amanda was seven, by then Amanda had no memory of her mother left._

 _Iris had came past Amanda's file by accident one day and she took on her case._ _She was horrified by the abuse her daughter had suffered, and she was determent that Amanda would be_ _adopted by a family who would love her. It was the only way she could live with the guilt that she felt for abandoning her._


	7. chapter 5

**_I just noticed that I've managed to get the title of my own story wrong lol. This is the follow up to 'Time together'._**

 ** _Chapter 5_**

Amanda ran out onto the balcany of the beach house. She needed air. She felt like she couldn't breathe.

Steve followed her out. "I'm sorry, honey. I had to tell you what I knew".

She looked at him. "I know, I'm not mad with you, baby, I'm just shocked that my real mother was there, all of the time, and I didn't know".

"Dad knew there was something wrong by the way Iris responded when she saw you".

Amanda sighed. "How do you know for sure?

" Letter's", Steve replied. "Iris had a few letter's from Billy and from your parents".

Amanda was confused, "that doesn't mean that Iris is my mother".

"I found some, unopened, letters addressed to you", Steve told her.

"That still doesn't mean that I am Iris' daughter".

Steve nodded in agreement. "I know it doesn't, but the letter I found from your parents to Iris makes thing's pretty clear", he told her. "They ask her not to write again, and say that even though they know Iris is your birth mother, it's your choice when you get older to ask about her".

Amanda frowned, "they knew?"

"Did you ever ask them about your parents? ", Steve asked.

Amanda shook her head, " I visited the adoption agency one time, but I never told them that I did it ". She sighed, "I felt guilty. It seemed like I was ungrateful to my adoptive parents".

Steve looked at her. He knew that Amanda's past had left her with scars, but he didn't realize how deep the scars ran.

"I think of Iris as the woman who saved me from the name calling. The beating's. The feeling of dread that I experienced every day", Amanda continued. "And now I know that she was the cause of all that?".

Steve felt guilty. "I'm sorry".

"I don't blame for my parent's for not telling me just like I don't blame you for telling me", Amanda told him, in a gentle tone. "I know that you had to, you had no option. You would never lie to me and that's why Iove you".

Steve smiled, "you still love me even though I have just ruined your life?"

She didn't believe that he had said that. She didn't realize how hard he was being on himself.

"Baby, you haven't ruined my life," she corrected him. "I am in shock, and hurt by Iris', and even my adoptive parents actions, but, Steve, the only thing that I feel for you is love".

Steve took her in his arms. "Thank you for telling me that", he told her. "I promise you, I am never going anywhere. Ever".


	8. chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Amanda and Steve had eaten dinner (Steve mostly, as Amanda didn't have much of an appetite) and he had drove Amanda home.

Steve had left his fiancee at her apartment door, knowing that Amanda would confide in his father about her feeling's.

And he was right.

The boys were asleep, and Mark had made coffee, and sat down with Amanda, as she poured her heart out to him.

"I feel betrayed", she admitted." I feel that my entire life was a lie".

Mark nodded, "I know, honey, but the truth is, we don't know why Iris did put you up for adoption".

"Steve said that there was some letter's".

"I know but word's can be read in all kind's of way's", Mark reminded her. "You know, Steve and I could look into Iris' life a bit deeper. She was an unmarried woman who died. Nothing looks suspicious about us asking question's".

Amanda nodded, "I have question's".

"I can't promise that we can answer those question's, but we can see if Iris had close friend's, or even if Billy has any living relatives. I'm sure Iris did tell someone about you. Those letter's did sound like she felt guilty".

Amanda hoped that Iris did feel guilty. That meant that her mother did feel something for her, after all.

"I will get Alex to help", Mark continued. "He's looking for an excuse so he doesn't have to go and watch Jess' movie".

Amanda smiled, "I don't blame him".

Mark looked at the woman he had always considered a daughter.

"Jack is in London for a conference", he reminded her. "But I know two people who live in New York who would love a visit from you, and, to be honest, I think getting away for a day or two will do you good, too".


	9. chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

 **In my version of the 'Diagnosis murder' world, Delores and Norman both now live in New York and work at the same hospital.**

 **I wanted to include all the characters (Jack is gonna make an appearance too) as I wanted to include a part about how Amanda feels about her surrogate** **family.**

2 day's later, Amanda was in New York. She knew that Mark was right, she needed time away to get her emotion's in order.

Steve and Mark were going to talk to a woman called Helen Grangier. She was Iris' next of kin. She lived in a care home just outside of Malibu. Mark hoped that she would be able to answer some questions about Iris' past.

Alex had taken C. J and Dion camping on the beach (outside of the beach house) so she didn't have to worry about the boy's.

Amanda walked out of the airport and saw two people she hadn't seen in a while, running towards her.

Delores and Norman.

Amanda smiled. She had always thought of Delores as an aunt; who was wise and smart and knew exactly what to say and do in any given moment.

And Norman, even though he was neurotic and in a permanent state of anxiety and panic, Amanda had always shared a bond with him. He came to her for advice. He was like an uncle to her.

The three hugged and shared "Hello's" and "you look well", and before long, Amanda was sitting in the kitchen of Norman (and Delores) home.

It was a pleasant coincidence that Norman's promotion, from saving the hospital from an insurance company, was at the same hospital that Delores had been working at, after moving to New York to be closer to her ill sister.

It was a shock when Delores and Norman fell in love, and got married a year ago.

Amanda told the couple about her discovery, as they had lunch.

"I am sure that this woman had her reason's for doing what she did," Delores said.

Amanda nodded, "I hope so. All I think is that she gave me away to save her career".

"You can't think like that", Norman told her. "You can't take it personally".

Delores hit her husband's arm. "What kind of idiot are you?", she asked him. "This is about Amanda. It is personal to her". She shook her head, "Why did I fall in love with you?"

Amanda laughed. She knew, despite the petty disagreements, Delores and Norman loved each other very much.

" No, he's right", Amanda said. "I don't know anything about Iris' life, except about her job. I hope that Steve and Mark can get some answers for me".

"If anyone can, it's Mark", Norman replied.

"How is that hunk of your's anyway?", Delores asked, referring to Steve. "You set a date for the wedding yet?"

Amanda nodded, "We were thinking of Christmas", she replied. "With it being April now, it will give us plenty of time to arrange everything".

"And Mark and Madison? "Norman asked.

" She's still in Chicago with her kind-of- step-daughter", Amanda replied. "With a new baby, and being a widow, Madison worried that it would send her on relapse . Luckilly, she's doing great. Mark misses her, but they talk all of the time".

Delores nodded," I wouldn't be surprised if they are next to get married after you and Steve".

"I wonder if DR. Stewart will ever settle down", Norman said, quietly. "I never saw him as the settling down type".

Amanda agreed. "He would settle down if the right woman came along, but I don't see that happening any time soon".

"But he's a good man", Delores added. "He's a bit of a player with the ladies but he's not a killer or anything like that".

Amanda smiled. "I was lucky", she said.

Norman looked at her, with a puzzled expression. "You were abandoned by your real mother, yet you think that you are lucky?", he asked.

Amanda knew that it was a crazy way of thinking but she didn't care.

"My adoptive parent's love me very much", she reminded them. "And my surrogate family, Mark and all of you, I have another family that loves me, and I love them. If Iris had raised me, I might not have been who I am today".


	10. chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Amanda had spent two days with Delores and Norman. She went shopping with Delores, and Norman had given her a tour of the hospital that he managed.

Amanda had got back home to pick the boy's up from the beach house and she was in for a surprise.

She walked into the beach house and heard the voices of her surrogate family, and she felt an overwhelming feeling of love.

She walked into the living room, and she saw Mark and Jesse sitting on the sofa.

And Jack was standing in front of the piano.

Steve had picked her up from the airport, but he didn't mention that Jack was back in town.

She ran to Jack, and they embraced each other.

"I thought that you were in London", she said.

Jack smiled, "I was but when I heard that you needed me, I had to come".

Amanda pulled away and looked around at Steve, who was standing behind her.

"You didn't mention that Jack was here", she said.

Steve shrugged, "It was a, surprise", he reminded her.

Jesse grinned, "Jack was telling us about how he saved the life of an air hostess on the flight here".

Jack waved his hand, dismissively. "She was choking", he replied.

Amanda nodded, "And you got her telephone number?"

"Maybe", Jack replied. "Anyway, I came here for you".

"You didn't have to", she said.

Mark smiled, "actually he did".

Amanda was confused. "Why did he have to?"

"Your father, Billy, was friend's with Gus", Jack explained. "And Helen's husband was also friend's with Gus".

Amanda felt her head spinning.

" Gus? As in your godfather? "

" Yeah".

"And what else did you learn about her? "Amanda asked.

Mark smiled, " I made us lunch, so why don't you go and see your boys and then we can fill you in on what we found out? ".


	11. chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

After Amanda had seen her children, it was lunchtime.

C. J and Dion sat in the living room, watching a dvd, while Amanda, Mark, Steve, Jesse and Jack sat on the balcany.

"Helen knew Billy and Iris as she volunteered at the soup kitchen", Mark explained. "She knew Billy because her husband was friend's with him".

"She hated what her husband was involved in, so volunteering helped her deal with it", Jack added. "She figured that her doing some good would counter out her husband's bad".

"I can understand that", Jesse said.

Amanda nodded, "did Helen know about me?"

"Yes", Steve replied. "Iris confided in her. She knew that her secret was safe because she knew too much about Helen".

"Was she around when Iris gave me up? ", Amanda asked.

" Yes, and according to Helen, there was no doubt in Iris' mind that you would be better off in care", Mark replied.

"She would have lost her job, and her career, if anyone had found out about her and Billy", Steve reminded her. "I'm guessing that she thought if she didn't have a job then she couldn't provide for you".

Jack looked at Amanda. "Helen did say that Iris and Billy loved each other very much".

"And that she was guilt- ridden when she did give you up", Mark told her.

Jesse sighed, "a bit like my dad. He left me and mom so that he could keep us safe".

Amanda nodded, "I don't know if I can ever truly firgive Iris for abandoning me", she admitted. "But I want to read her letter's. I'm ready to hear what she had to say to me".


	12. insert

_Dear Ms Browning,_

 _Firstly, My wife and I would like to show our gratitude to you for introducing us to Amanda. She is a wonderful child, so warm and loving. She is settling into her new life so well, and has started ballet lesson's._

 _She has completed our family, and life without her would be sad and lonely._

 _That said, the revelation that you are Amanda's biological mother has, as you can imagine, shocked us. We don't know why you put her into care, and we don't care to understand. The only concern that we have is for our daughter's wellbeing._

 _You came to us and told us about Amanda ; what a wonderful child sge was. And you were correct._ _My wife and I cannot understand why you would tell us about Amanda's parentage now._

 _We ask that you stop contacting us. Our concern is for Amanda. She has just settled into our family; into her new life, and we need you to not disrupt her further._

 _The day you gave Amanda up, and the day we adopted her, you gave up your right's to her._

 _When Amanda gets older, and if she wants to know about her real family, we will tell her the truth. It should be her choice to know the truth. Not your choice to force her to know the truth._

 _I am sure that you want the best for Amanda's wellbeing, as do we. If you continue to harrass us, or Amanda, you will give us no alternative but to involve the police and your superiors._

 _Thank you for your understanding and_ cooperation.

Yours _sincerely_ ,

 _DR and Mrs Bentley._


	13. chapter 10

Amanda had read the letter that her parent's had sent to Iris, but she hadn't yet read the other letter's that Steve had found.

She decided that she wanted to talk to Helen Grainger herself. She wanted to hear for herself what Helen knew.

Steve had driven Amanda and Jack to the care home Helen lived in, and all three of them went inside to see Helen.

Steve was there for emotional support, and Jack was there as an ice breaker. Helen knew Jack's father, Charlie, and he thought that if Helen knew someone there, she may be more forecoming with answers.

Inside the care home, the three friend's sat at a table with Helen; a small woman with white hair and pale skin but with a tough exterior. She was pushing a nurse away, who was putting a blanket on her lap, when the gang walked in.

Amanda felt sick. She never thought that she belonged in Jack's world, but here she was. Visiting Jack's father's friend.

Her biological mother's friend.

Jack's intuituon paid off. Helen greeted him by calling him "Little Jack Stewart", and then she looked at Amanda, and smiled.

"Cece?".

Amanda looked at Helen, "You and Iris were friend's?".

Helen nodded, "we worked at the soup kitchen together", she told Amanda. "That's where she met Billy. Your father".

" I know that", Amanda replied, quietly. "I want to know why Iris gave me away like I meant nothing".

Helen sighed,"her job was a vocation to her. If she kept you then she risked losing everything".

"But she would have had her daughter", Amanda said.

Helen went quiet for a few moment's and then spoke again.

"There are thing's that you don't know about Iris", she confessed. "Did you read the letter that she wrote to you?".

"No", Amanda replied.

"Iris and Billy met at the soup kitchen. You know that", Helen said. "But you don't know that Iris was engaged to another man at the time".

Amanda was stunned by that comment. "No, I didn't. Who was he?"

"His name was Wilson Fishbourne. He was a preacher at the local church. His church ran the soup kitchen".

Amanda was trying to understand it all.

"Billy and Iris had an affair when she was engaged to a preacher?", Amanda asked.

Helen nodded, "Iris was a mess. Emotionally.", she replied. "Her mother died when she was young and her father... well, he was a drunk who couldn't look after himself".

Amanda began to understand. "She became a social worker because she wanted to help children like her?"

"Yes", Helen told her. "Iris also had a little drink problem, just like her father. Not as bad. But Wilson always prayed for her. He was the kind of man that wasn't like her father".

Amanda sighed, "Billy was", she realized.

"When Billy died, a part of Iris died with him", Helen told her. "She panicked about you. She knew Wilson could never marry her if he knew about you, and her job was crazy. She couldn't really care for you".

Amanda understood. Things were different now for working mother's.

"What happened to Wilson?", Amanda asked.

"He was killed in a car accident about eighteen months after Billy died", Helen replied. "That was the catalyst for Iris. She acted perfectly at work. She was praised for her work", Helen shook her head, "Privately, she drank more and more".

Amanda knew that Iris' life sounded like it was a mess, like Helen had stated, and was Iris in any state to look after a child? Amanda doubted that greatly.

Helen took a hold of Amanda's hand, and gently squeezed it. "Iris thought that she was doing the best thing for you in putting you into care", she said, quietly. "She thought that you would have a family quicker than you did".

Amanda nodded, she had tears in her eyes. "I believe that she did the right thing, under the circumstances", she said. "Thank you for answering my questions. I feel that I can move forward now".


	14. chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

"You sure you don't want me to stay with you? ", Steve asked Amanda, as the pair sat at the table on the balcony of the beach house.

Amanda had Iris shoe box full of letter's and photo's. She was going to learn more about her mother.

" No, I think that I need to do this by myself", Amanda replied. "But thank you, baby".

Steve kissed her. "I just want you to know that I am here for you", he told her.

She smiled, "I know that you are, baby".

"I just want you to know that you are loved", Steve told her. "We love you. Everyone loves you".

"Thank you", she looked up at him. "I am going to go and see my parent's when my next vacation time comes up", she told him. "Do you want to come with me?".

Steve nodded, "I'd love to. I think your parents are great".

"They think the same about you", she told him. "They were thrilled when I told them that I was marrying you. They said that you have always been welcoming to them".

"Your dad loves ribs", Steve told her. "How can I not get on with a man who loves ribs?"

Amanda laughed, "and you are going to BBQ Bobs now?".

"Yeah, Jack and I are taking the boy's to have lunch there", he told her. "C. J and Dion want to have lunch with him before he leaves. Dad, Alex and Jess are going to be there, too".

Amanda nodded, "Well, if I go there, then I will spoil the boy's lunch", she teased.

"You could never spoil anything", Steve told her. He kissed her again. "If you need me, call me".

Amanda smiled, "I will do", she promised him. "You go and have a good time".

Steve smiled, "I will do. And you enjoy sitting in the sun, getting to know more about your mother".

Amanda knew that she would.


	15. chapter 12

**Chapter** 12

Amanda sat at the table on the beach house. She was going through Iris' shoebox.

She had found some photograph's of Iris and the photograph that Steve had found. She looked at them and put them to aside. Would she keep them as a reminder of her biological mother? She didn't know.

She came across the letter that was addressed to her. She was shaking. She took a deep breath and opened the letter and unfolded the letter, and she began to read it.

 _Dear Cece,_

 _Well, your name is Amanda now. It was always Amanda (after my mother) but now you are officially Amanda Bentley (unless you got married). If you are reading this letter, then it means that I have died and you have found out the truth._

 _That I am your biological mother._

 _I met your father, Billy, at the soup kitchen where I volunteered. I was engaged to a good man, but my feelings for Billy were too strong to ignore. I should have resisted but I didn't._

 _If you want to know about Billy then you can ask Helen Grainger (at Hamilton Hill retirement home) or anyone who knew Charlie Stewart about him. Billy and Charlie were friends._

 _Billy raised you and I, as ashamed as I am to say this, was never a constant in your life. Billy was thrilled when I told him that I was expecting but I never had the maternal instinct. I put it down to having to raise my two brothers and one sister when my mother died. My father was never a father._

 _Billy was a good father. He adored you. I know that he wasn't perfect but he was a good father. I was never a good mother._

 _I wish I could tell you that I regretted giving you up. If I said that, I would be lying. Billy wanted you. I loved Billy and we went to Vegas and I hid my pregnancy. You were an inconvenience. I am sorry that I say this, but you hate me already, so why not tell the truth?_

 _I was too selfish to raise a child. I remained single and had no other children. I had my job, and I didn't need anything else but that in my life._

 _I put you into care because I thought that you would find a safe, loving home. I was wrong. I am sorry about that. I never wanted you to go through what you did. I am truly sorry for that._

 _I wanted you to have a good life. That is why I arranged for your parents to meet you. I knew they had a lot of love in their hearts, and you needed love._

 _And they do love you, Amanda. You need to know that. Yes, I was a terrible mother but your adoptive parents are wonderful people._

 _I know you have children yourself (I kept up to date on how you were doing) and I know you are a wonderful mother. I know you are surrounded by wonderful people and I know you are a wonderful person._

 _Amanda, Billy loved you. And I loved you (not in a way I should have) and your adoptive parents love you. You need to know that none of what happened was because of anything you did. It was all me._

 _I was at fault, not you. I am sorry for everything. I hope one day you can forgive me. I hope one day you will understand. If I could take away all of the pain and abuse you suffered, I would do that. I just want my daughter to be happy. I hope that you are._

 _I am sorry I couldn't have been a better mother. I wish that I could have been. Billy will always watch over you, as will I._

 _All my love_

 _Iris (your mother) x_

Amanda had tears in her eyes. She knew that Iris meant every word she had written.

"Oh, Iris", Amanda sobbed to herself. "You are wrong. You did the best for me and that made you an excellent mother. I wish I had the chance to tell you that".


	16. chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

"You take care of yourself ", Jack told Amanda, as the pair shared a hug. " I told Steve that if he hurts you, I will hunt him down... "

Jack and Amanda stood on the beach, outside of the beach house.

" Jack! ", she frowned." I don't need you to fight my battle's for me".

Jack looked at her. "I know that, but you are the sister that I never had and I gotta take care of you".

Amanda smiled. She hugged him again, "thank you, Jack". She pulled away from him. "You know, the whole situation with Iris has made me realize just how lucky I am. If she had kept me, then I know that my life would have been very different".

Jack nodded, "you wouldn't have adopted Dion because you wouldn't know what he went through in foster care".

"I know", Amanda agreed. "And thinking of that outcome makes me incredibly sad".

Jack smiled, "keep an eye on Jess for me. I gave him some advice on chatting up the ladies, but I think Jess and I are totally different people".

"Yes, you are", Amanda confirmed. "But I am pleased that you two get on so well".

"He's a good guy, and Mark trust's him with his life so he has to be a friend of mine ", Jack replied." I also invited Alex to my practice for some work experience. He's a good kid, and I think he'll make a great doctor".

Amanda agreed with him. "I think the same".

Jack looked at his watch, "I need to go soon", he told her. "You know that I am gonna come back for the wedding?"

"I wouldn't get married without you being there", she replied.

Jack sighed, "You did the last time", he teased.

"That was different ", she argued. "This time I am marrying the man that I am going to spend the rest of my life with".

Jack looked at her, "Amanda," he said, quietly. "You know that family is more than DNA and blood ties?"

"Of course I do".

"Then you know you will always belong in this family. Our family", Jack reminded her. "Iris may have given you away, but your adoptive parents chose you, and Mark and Steve and all of us, we chose you. We are a family. We are always there for each other. In the good times and the bad times".

Amanda knew that was true.


	17. chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

Amanda and Steve sat in Steve's part of the beach house. They were watching television. The boy's were in bed (they had a room at Steve's) and the couple were enjoying a glass of wine.

"Iris funeral is going to be a small affair", Amanda said, quietly. "Helen arranged. People Iris worked with wanted to pay their respects".

Steve looked at her, "Are you going?"

"I feel that I should", Amanda told her fiance. "She was my biological mother. But I can't exactly tell anyone who I really am".

"No?"

Amanda took a drink of her wine.

"I am not interested in ruining Iris' reputation ", she told him." I understand she did what she felt she had to do".

Steve smiled at her. He was impressed by how she was handling the situation.

With class and sympathy. That was Amanda. And that was why he loved her.

"Jack reminded me that family come in all way's", Amanda told him. "And I remembered how blessed I am with my family. My adoptive family and my surrogate family".

Steve nodded. "We are the one's that are blessed. Having you in our lives".

The pair kissed.

"You know, Norman and Delores are fostering because of you?", Steve reminded her.

Amanda smiled. "I know. They have been approved", she replied. She was happy for her friend's.

"They are looking after a sixteen year old boy and his thirteen year old sister", Amanda continued. "And I think that they will make excellent foster parents".

Steve laughed, "can you imagine Norman raising a teenage girl?".

"I'm sure that he will adjust", Amanda replied. "I know that Norman is... high strung but he has a good heart, and he's the kind of man I wish that I had as a foster father".

Steve knew that Amanda was right.

"I am sorry that you had such a terrible experience in foster care ", Steve told her. " I wish that I could go back in time and save you from the pain and the hurt".

She looked at him. "I know that you would, baby, but everything that happened to me has made me the woman that I am today".

"And you are an amazing woman", he told her. "I see people everyday who have been through the thing's that you've been through and they are not as caring, as sweet, as brilliant as you".

"I was lucky", she reminded him. "My adoptive parents loved me".

"And so do your surrogate family", he told her.

Amanda wanted to talk to Steve about something and she decided that now would be the perfect time.

"Steve, baby.. ", she said." I know that you are quite happy to raise C. J and Dion as your own".

He nodded, "I am".

"But I've realized something", Amanda said. "And not because of Iris, but because of the family that loves me.."

Steve looked at her, "You're worrying me, honey".

"I want another baby", she told him. "I know that I have enough love in my life. In my heart, to raise another child". She looked at him. "Your baby".

Steve grinned. He was delighted by her statement. "You want to have another baby with me?"

"Yes", Amanda replied. "The boys are always talking about having a younger brother or sister. And I know that you are a brilliant father already. And I know that he or she will never be short of love".

Steve kissed her again. "You sure that you want this?"

"Yes".

Steve smiled. "Then after the wedding, we will try for a baby".


	18. chapter 15

**I think this is going to be the final chapter (for now) of this story. I want to work on another Steve/Amanda story that I have an idea for. I will come back to this if /when I have more ideas.**

 **Epilogue**

 **Two months later.** Amanda stood at Iris' grave. She was alone. Steve and the boys were waiting for her in the car.

It had been a strange two months since Iris had died and Amanda had discovered the truth about her parentage.

She had tracked down a cousin of Billy's, who had supplied her with photograph's of Billy, and stories about his life.

Jack had gone through his father's things and also found some photograph's that he gave to Amanda. He told her "I had my father, you didn't."

Amanda was slowly starting to piece together the part of her past that she didn't know.

She placed some flowers on Iris' grave (carnation's, her favourite) and looked at the grave, sadly.

"I don't know if you can hear me", Amanda said, in a quiet voice. "I know that it's been a while since I was here. I have been busy with my boys and work and planning my wedding".

"You'd like Steve", she continued. "He's a good man. He adores the boys and he's a good man. He's never cruel or abusive. He deplores people like that".

Amanda looked over at the car. She saw the three people she loved more than any thing else in the world sitting.

She turned her attention back to the grave.

"Steve and I are going to try for a baby of our own after our wedding", she announced. "We are getting married at christmas. We are getting married on the beach".

"Mum and Dad will be there, and the rest of my surrogate family", Amanda continued talking to the grave. "The boy's are excited and they can't wait. They adore Steve, too, and they respect him".

Talking to the grave was helping Amanda process her feeling's. There had been many thing's she had wanted to say, but she never had a way of expressing her feeling's until now.

"I am going to get to know more about Billy. I need to. He was a part of who I am and I need to know about his life", she said. "I want to know about you, too, and I am still visiting Helen reguarly".

Amanda started crying. It was emotional for her doing this. But she needed to do it.

"And I need you to know that I forgive you", Amanda said. "I know that you did what you had to do. I know that you thought that you weren't a good mother, but you were. You gave me away, but you, ultimately, gave me a better life. I can't hate you for helping me become the person that I am today".

"I wish that you could have had a better life. I wish that you could have forgiven yourself for what happened. I hope that you have found peace now".

She sobbed for a few moment's and then she took a deep breath, and smiled.

"Goodbye, Iris. I will come again and visit and talk", she said. "Not because I have to, as your daughter, but because I want to. I wish I had known you better when you were alive, but I do know my children will know about you and Billy. You will always have a part in our family".

Amanda dried her eyes with a tissue, and then turned around and walked to the car.

To her family.

To the people who loved her now and would always love her.

THE END

 **I had Amanda choosing to forgive Iris because I don't think Amanda is capable of hating anyone. Not really. She's too compassionate. She's wise and the voice of reason many times.** **I also wanted her to have a happy ending and I think if I'd chosen for her to hate Iris then Amanda would have always had a darkness and anger carried with her, and I didn't want that for her.**


End file.
